I wanted the slowest way out

I wanted it to be quiet, not loud

I switched off the lights slowly with a knife to my chest

Within seconds I took a deep swim inside my mind

It didn’t matter who I was leaving behind

Weakness took over and the pain spread everywhere

I fell on my knees and the tears began to fall

And in every second I lost my breath

This pain was nothing compared to the pain I was running away from

It was the only pain I ever caused myself

The only pain I felt that didn’t require me to cry for help

A pain I could bare, a pain for the bravest cowards

I watched my red waters drip drop

I was easy, I was sane, I had hope

In a few minutes I would’ve found a new home

It didn’t matter where I was going

All I wanted was to do was disappear

To never have to live a day worrying

To never have to go to bed crying

To never have to care or love

I was shutting down, it was almost over

I looked to the left and saw her in the mirror

I smiled at myself and whispered ‘you’re going to be alright’

And I fell to the ground

She came out and run towards me

She pulled the steel out of my body

and I finally closed my eyes

I knew my heart was on the flat line even though it was still beating.

I felt cold and I could hear voices

I felt like I was being dragged around

I didn’t want to open my eyes.

I zoned out. It was done, I believed.

Then I woke up and the first thing I saw was a white room

I was on a bed that had blue covers

My mouth was covered by a mask that produced air

Fluids were entering my body from tubes all over me

I couldn’t believe I survived the escape